We all make mistakes. When we do, it is easy for those mistakes to steal attention and focus. We become fixated on them. We get stuck. We want to evaluate, analyze, and fix our mistakes right away. However, I argue that it is best to save analysis until later. 

In Sport As In Life

Recently, while I was out of town, I was fortunate enough to have a front row seat to a highly competitive golf tournament.

In golf, as in life, people make mistakes. Time and again, I saw golfers hit shots that were worse than expected. Some of them dropped their heads while others raised their hands in disbelief and frustration. Still other golfers would swing the club again, trying to correct the misguided swing that led to an errant shot.

Is this the time to correct mistakes?

Why Not Fix It Now?

When we pause to make corrections, our attention shifts from the current moment to the moment that just passed. We are no longer in the present.

For the golfers, this means that they could not devote their full attention to the next shot – the one that mattered in the now.

When you try to do your best with less than your full attention, what do you think will happen? If you guessed, “more mistakes,” you are absolutely right.

On numerous occasions and in a variety of contexts, I’ve seen one mistake lead to another that led to another. I’m sure you have too.

In this golf tournament, I watched one player hit at least 3 balls in a row into the water – one right after the other. He was distracted, frustrated, and getting down on himself. His confidence took a major hit as each splash echoed in his ears. It was tough to watch.

Eventually, he got back on track, but with the right strategy, he could have recovered much faster.

How to Quickly Recover from a Mistake

Rather than getting caught up in “fix-it mode,” you can recover from mistakes faster by practicing A.T.E. with these 3 basic steps.

You can recover from mistakes faster by implementing a simple A.T.E. strategy.
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1. Acknowledge the Mistake.

Call it what it is. If you said the wrong thing, made a poor decision, missed a call, or hit the ball into the water, simply acknowledge it.

No denial. But, no self-berating either. Keep things matter-of-fact. Something like, “That wasn’t what I meant to say.”

2. Tag the Mistake.

Either mentally or physically, make a note of the mistake for later review. Think of this like a figurative sticky note, or jot it on a literal sticky note. Again, just the facts.

Taking this step will allow your brain to move on, knowing that the mistake will not go unchecked or unevaluated.

Now you can bring your full attention to the next task – whether that’s the next shot, meeting, or conversation – whatever performance moment is next for you.

3. Evaluate the Mistake Later.

Once the dust has settled and the performance has come to a close, it is time to evaluate and analyze what went wrong.

Use your expertise, experience, or even a colleague to figure out where you went wrong.

Once you’ve identified the error, select a strategy you can control to make improvements for next time.

His Airness

Michael Jordan is well known for taking this sort of approach. He was often seen in the locker room after games with a towel over his head. This signaled to his teammates that he was in analysis mode – like a do not disturb sign.

Michael Jordan kept his head in the game by waiting until post-game to evaluate his mistakes.
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He would review the game in his mind (using mental imagery), and identify mistakes he’d made. He identified how he could make adjustments to avoid or improve upon those mistakes in practice or in the next game.

Once he had a plan, he took the towel off his head and let the mistakes go. He didn’t carry them around with him; he didn’t dwell on them or beat himself up. Jordan had a plan on which to act and that’s all that mattered.

A.T.E.

No one is perfect. When you make mistakes, remember to save the analysis for later using A.T.E. Doing so will help you keep your head in the game and your confidence high. From the court to the board room, we need our full attention to be at our best.

Question: When have you seen someone get stuck analyzing a mistake when they should have been focused on the task-at-hand? Share your example in the comments below!

Links:

• Post: Mental Rehearsal: From Saving Lives to Winning at Work

The post How To Recover Quickly When Things Go Awry first appeared on The Excelling Edge.

Fall is setting in here in Middle Tennessee, and leaves have started changing. This is one of my favorite times of year to hike. My wife and I were out for a hike not long ago, and along the trail we spotted a pair of squirrels chasing each other from tree to tree. They’d run up and around one tree like a corkscrew, spiral back down and leap to another. Watching them play together was a joy. It reminded me how easy it can be to forget to play.

When was the last time you played? I’m not talking about ordering the vanilla and banana side-by-side milkshake this weekend when you usually get chocolate. When was the last time you set aside your busyness and really dove in, immersed yourself in something that you genuinely enjoy? For those of you with children, they model this for you on a consistent basis.

I love to play. Yet, often I get laser focused on getting things done or planning what needs to get done. I don’t believe I’m alone in that. I suppose that is wired into how I was created. The truth is, I was also wired for play. Sometimes I just need a reminder. Maybe you do too.

So, let this serve as a reminder for you. Go play, have fun. Because when you do there are 3 rewards waiting for you. 

Rejuvenation

When we play, we are rejuvenated, refreshed and re-energized. Losing ourselves in a game, a story or an adventure feeds our minds, our hearts and our souls. If you’re feeling run down or overwhelmed, make time to play.

Imagination

When we play, the act itself opens up our imaginations. We expand our creativity, ingenuity and problem solving abilities. Each of those will help us in other areas of our lives too. When I play, I think differently, visualize things and exercise my creative side. I need that. It excites me and it also helps me in other facets of life.

Spontaneity

When we play, we roll with the punches and go where our minds take us. We’re whimsical. Play is when I can stop planning, organizing and thinking ahead and just live in the moment. That’s not my natural tendency, but I love the times when I can lose track of time and logic and embrace each passing whim like our cat when she races around the house. She races up and down the stairs like a maniac just for fun.

We need to play. Yes, we need to have fun, laugh, be silly. When we do, we can reap the rewards of rejuvenation, imagination and spontaneity. Stop being a slave to your task list and things you say are making you “crazy busy.” Trust me, you need a break. Let go of all that and play.

Question: What do you do for play? I’d love for you to share your ideas with other readers in the comments section below. 

The post Why You Should Step Away from Your To-Do List…and Play! first appeared on The Excelling Edge.

Stress abounds in today’s culture. We think it’s normal. For people who seem constantly stressed, we don’t know how to regulate it very well. Author of Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers, Dr. Robert Sapolsky, suggests people today are constantly activating their fight or flight (i.e. stress) response. This is why both performance and health suffer.

According to Burton & Raedeke (2005), when mind and body activation become too high (over stressed), performance suffers. This occurs because high activation leads to “excessive muscular tension and coordination problems, attention problems, and processing problems.” It short-circuits our abilities to function at optimal levels, both physically and mentally. According to Sapolsky and others, we elicit this response continuously in our daily lives. It hinders performance and significantly degrades our overall health. How does this happen?

The Stress Response

The stress response is a series of reactions in the sympathetic nervous system. Once a stressor is perceived, the hypothalomus in the brain sets off a chain reaction. Respiration, heart rate, blood pressure, metabolism and pupil dilation all increase and blood vessels constrict. This enables us to fight or flee, as we deal with a momentary stressor, not day in and day out as we often do in our culture today. Living in this constant state of elevated stress is unnecessary. We need to regulate our bodies’ reactions to stress on a regular basis and also during performance moments.

How do we turn down our stress response and take control? In Hardy et. al (1996), researchers cite that athletes use a set of core psychological skills to help them perform at their peaks. This includes regulating their minds and bodies when it comes to stress. The authors highlighted that relaxation was an essential skill for any athlete to handle the pressures of competition and regular stresses of competitive sports. However, you don’t have to be an athlete to face pressure and stress, right?

The Relaxation Response

There are numerous techniques and strategies to reduce stress and increase relaxation. One of the best I’ve found directly opposes the effects of the fight or flight response and boosts both performance and health. The Relaxation Response, coined by professor, author and founder of Harvard’s Mind/Body Medical Institute, Dr. Herbert Benson does exactly that.

To take advantage of the Relaxation Response by triggering the parasympathetic nervous system, regularly practice these 3 steps.

Prepare

• Get comfortable and avoid distractions.
• Try to relax your muscles.

Breathe

• Breathe through your nose and fill your lungs fully.
• As you exhale, repeat a calming word, phrase or even a number to yourself.

Regulate

• Maintain an accepting mindset, not worrying about how well you’re practicing the technique.
• As distractions creep in (which they will), simply return your attention to your breathing and repeated word or phrase as you exhale.
• Continue for up to 10 minutes.

Benefits of The Relaxation Response

• Counteracts the negative effects of the fight or flight response
• Reduces the body’s activation level, which positively impacts future as well as immediate performance
• According to Psychology Today, the Relaxation Response helps “any health problem that is caused or exacerbated by chronic stress such as fibromyalgia, gastrointestinal ailments, insomnia, hypertension, anxiety disorders and others.”

Whether you are just trying to weather the tempo of life’s storms or preparing for a pressure performance, the Relaxation Response is a go-to for relaxation. As with any skill, your technique and the payoffs will only grow with practice. Don’t expect immediate relief under pressure if you haven’t been developing this skill every day. Schedule a few minutes each day to practice this phenomenal relaxation tool and boost your ability to regulate your mind and body. Take control today.

Question: When do you plan to use the Relaxation Response today? I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section below.

Links:

• Article: Dr. Benson’s Relaxation Response in Psychology Today
• Book: Why Zebras Don’t Get Ulcers by Dr. Robert M. Sapolsky
• Book: The Relaxation Response by Dr. Herbert Benson
• Relaxation Response Technique excerpt from The Relaxation Response by Dr. Herbert Benson

The post Put Yourself in the Driver’s Seat and Take Control of Stress first appeared on The Excelling Edge.

Why aren’t more people optimistic? Optimism may be the ticket to being happier, healthier and more successful. Who doesn’t want that?

Honestly, optimism often gets a bad rap. Many people see optimism as looking at the glass half full or seeing the world through rose-colored glasses. That’s not necessarily the case.

Optimism Defined

Dictionary.com defines optimism as:

1. a disposition or tendency to look on the more favorable side of events or conditions and to expect the most favorable outcome.
2. the belief that goodness pervades reality.

Martin Seligman, author of Learned Optimism and Flourish, defines optimism based on “explanatory style.” This means that people who see negative events as changeable (where they have some influence), temporary (won’t last forever), and local (isolated rather than pervasive in their life) are more optimistic. Pessimists believe the opposite.

To assess your level of optimism, check out the Optimism Test,  for free, hosted by the University of Pennsylvania. Personally, I am much more optimistic now than when I first took this survey in 2007. 

Now that we put that “pie in the sky” stuff to rest, why should we be more optimistic?

Here are 5 compelling benefits for cultivating more optimism in our daily lives.

1. Optimists are more likely to overcome and persevere in the face of challenges.
2. Optimists experience less depression and more happiness.
3. Optimists perform better at work, in school and in sports.
4. Optimists experience better relationships.
5. Optimists are better problem solvers.

Optimism Has Huge Health Benefits

Beyond the 5 compelling benefits above, optimism has been linked to health in extensive research for over a decade.

• Stronger immune system (Segerstrom, Taylor, Kemeny, & Fahey, 1998)
• Quicker recovery after heart surgery (Kiecolt-Glaser, Page, Marucha, et al., 1998)
• Protection from cardiovascular disease (Seligman, 2011)
• Better cancer outcomes (Annals of Behavioral Medicine, 2009)

By now, you may be wondering, can I be more of an optimist? Am I stuck being a pessimist? I have good news! The research says optimism can, in fact, be learned (Gillham, Reivich, Jaycox, & Seligman, 1995).

Not sure how to start building optimism? Then, check out a few of my previous posts. You could even share them with friends, family and colleagues!

Related to explanatory style:

• Juice It and Toss It: How To Redefine And Grow From Failure
• 3 Keys to Skyrocket Your Way To Repeated Successes

For building optimism day-to-day:

• 2 Simple Questions That Will Make You Happier Today
• Let Go Of What You Can’t Control And Reap Massive Rewards

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty,” said Winston Churchill. Think like an optimist and step into your opportunities  – be happier, healthier and more successful.

Question: What is holding you back from being more optimistic? I’d love to hear from you in the comments section below this post. 

Links:

• Book: Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman
• Book: Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being by Martin E.P. Seligman
• Website: Flourish Newsletter on Positive Health

The post Optimism: Your Secret Weapon first appeared on The Excelling Edge.

How do you respond when your spouse, friend or family asks, “How was your day?” If you are like most people, it is all too easy to unload the various frustrations, injustices and wrongs you encountered. We tend to do this rather than highlight the good experiences from our day. Some term this the negativity bias. Put simply, it is our natural tendency to focus on the bad instead of the good. We do this at work, at home, with our children and so on.

To be honest, the negativity bias isn’t all bad. This natural bias helps us detect and avoid danger. However, when we become overly focused on the bad (i.e. pessimism) at the exclusion of the good, it can lead to a host of concerns:

• depression
• anxiety
• trouble sleeping
• lower life satisfaction

In Dr. Martin Seligman’s latest book, Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being, he wrote, “So to overcome our brains’ natural catastrophic bent, we need to work on and practice this skill of thinking about what went well.” Think about it. Most of us spend more time analyzing our mistakes and missteps than relishing our successes. Allow me to introduce you to one of the simplest, most powerful, scientifically validated skills that I teach people on a regular basis.

It is called Three Good Things. Each day, we should answer two basic questions:

• What are 3 things that went well?
• What caused that good thing to happen?

If you want to lessen your chances for depression, sleep better and increase your happiness and satisfaction in life, then make these two simple steps a daily practice.

Step 1: What went well today?

Write down Three Good Things that went well today. It doesn’t have to be something important (ie. I got a promotion at work). In fact, it very well may be something small (ie. My daughter climbed into my lap and said she loved me last night). The point is to write it down, document it. You can use a journal, pen and pad, whatever suites you.

Step 2: What is my reflection on what went well?

For each thing that went well, write a sentence or two about why that happened. Choose one of these questions to get you started:

• “Why did this good thing happen?”
• “What does this mean to you?”
• “How can you have more of this good thing in the future?”

It really is that simple. They key is to do it. Make it a habit. Make Three Good Things part of your daily routine.

My challenge to you is to practice this exercise for at least one week. Research shows you’ll experience benefits of doing so for up to 6 months! So, what do you have to lose? Or rather, what may you gain?

Question: What is one thing on your Three Good Things list today? I’d love to hear from you?

The post 2 Simple Questions That Will Make You Happier Today first appeared on The Excelling Edge.

“When achievers fail, they see it as a momentary event, not a lifelong epidemic,” stated John Maxwell in his book, Failing Forward. This is a mindset we desperately need in our culture today, whereas we see failure as akin to some kind of plague. Parents go to great lengths to protect their children from failure. Our education system forces teachers to do everything except lie to protect students from failing a class.

We easily forget the failures of many famous names: Abraham Lincoln, Michael Jordan, Walt Disney, Steve Jobs. These achievers didn’t let their failures define them and went on to great success. Are we dealing with failure all wrong? How can we capitalize on our failures to spur future success?

Once, I competed in the open flight of a tennis tournament in Orlando, FL. There are a couple things you should know before I go on. First, open flights of tournaments are meant for really good players, like high-level collegiate contenders and tennis instructors. Second, I was an awkward 13 year-old tennis convert eager to finally play some real matches. Are you seeing the recipe for disaster?

What I didn’t know didn’t hurt me until I met my first opponent, a nationally ranked, Division I beast of a player. Allow me to let you in on a little secret: I didn’t win a single point in the match. That’s what some call an epic fail.

To be honest, I’m not new to failure. I’ve failed in multiple areas during my life. Those failures weren’t easy to swallow when they happened. However, what matters aren’t the failures, but what they’ve made possible. The reality is that how you interpret a mistake, failure or setback sets your trajectory. Either you quit, keep failing or grow. The choice is yours.

We can all learn from failure and cultivate future success by applying these 3 truths.

Failure Isn’t Final
“Success isn’t permanent, and failure isn’t fatal,” according to a quote most commonly attributed to Winston Churchill. We all make mistakes, mess up, and blow it. Keeping a thick skin isn’t easy, but it is necessary. When we let our failures define us, we blow them out of proportion and begin to think counterproductive thoughts like, “Wow, maybe people were right, I am a failure.”

The truth is, failure isn’t final. Don’t allow it to rob you of confidence, enthusiasm and motivation. Instead, see it as a single event, this thing that happened once that you don’t intend to repeat. Failure is the beginning of a new chapter, not the end of the story. That gruesome massacre that occurred on a tennis court in Orlando wasn’t the final page in my racquet swinging saga. It was just a bump on the road to success.

Failure Is Controllable
It is important to take responsibility for our failures. If we don’t, we give away all control. Referees, understaffed, weather, baby kept me up all night… If you think these sound like excuses, you’re right. Admittedly, other factors do work against us sometimes, but it does us no good to give them our attention. (See link to a previous post below.)

In order to learn and grow from failures we have to be willing to take a hard look in the mirror. Maybe we weren’t prepared enough, focused enough, didn’t communicate effectively or just choked the under pressure. The reality is, these are all things that we have control over.

Failure Holds The Juice Of Success
Visualize a large, juicy Florida orange. If you were to cut it in half and squeeze the fresh, tart juice into a glass, what’s left in your hand? Garbage. Technically, the peel and flesh of the orange are left, but I’m no chef, so zesting isn’t really my thing. You don’t want to stand there holding that sticky mess for very long do you? No, of course not. Throw it away or compost it. Now, you’re left with a tangy glass of juice.

Translation: squeeze your failures and get all the useful, actionable, controllable goodness out of them. What can you learn from the failure? Once you’ve analyzed it and gathered the lessons learned (aka the juice in the glass), throw away the peel and quit ruminating on the failure.

Holding onto the sticky mess causes us to lose sleep at night and creates unnecessary stress and raised blood pressure. Keep the good stuff, the lessons learned and chuck the rest, it’s only weighing you down. Why walk around with an orange peel in your pocket?

I have blown presentations, messed up relationships, let people down, quit playing guitar and failed in numerous other ways. But none of them were final; the story continues. All of them are controllable. It is up to me to squeeze out the juice and toss the rest. The more readily I do that, the faster I move on to future successes.

And so it is for you. Fail. Juice it. Then, move on to the success that lies ahead.

Question: How have you used your failures to create future success? I’d love to hear from your experiences in the comments below. 

The post Juice It and Toss It: How To Redefine And Grow From Failure first appeared on The Excelling Edge.

Credit: USA Today Sports

The post 4 Powerful Lessons About Pursuing Our Potential from America’s Olympians first appeared on The Excelling Edge.