In 2006, I announced to my friends and family that I was going to attend graduate school. Indeed, in 2007 my dad and I drove my overstuffed car of belongings nearly 2,000 miles from Virginia to Arizona where I started my graduate program. In 2010 I announced to my wife and family that I was going to start my own business. That’s exactly what I did in 2011. However, some say we shouldn’t tell a soul the things we wish to achieve.

Derek Sivers believes I may have achieved more if I’d just kept my mouth shut. Take a look at his talk from the 2010 TED Conference. In it, Derek, gives some compelling reasons why not to share our goals with anyone. Mainly, he believes it sucks the motivation right out of us. I disagree with his conclusions, but take 3 minutes and see for yourself. This rest of this post will make a bit more sense if you do.

 
I’ve been telling people to share their goals with others, build accountability and recruit supporters for years.  Have I been steering people wrong? You’ve shared your goals in the past. Have you been cutting yourself off at the knees?

I think not. I think there is more to the story. Here’s why:

Yes, when we share our goals with someone, there is often a sensation of accomplishment and excitement that goes with that. Also, when we share our goals, our mind often flashes up pictures of us working towards or even accomplishing the final outcome.

Test this out yourself. Just think of that moment when the project, race, degree, or (fill in the blank) is finally done. What kind of emotions are you experiencing right now? Likely, you’re feeling eager, expectant, perhaps relieved. These are the kind of images that we want to cultivate to keep us motivated, not avoid. When the going gets tough, picture the finish line and what your life will be like once that goal has been attained. I encourage this in my clients and whether they feel relieved or a bit burdened by the work it will take to get there, the image is a valuable one.

If you are sharing your goal with other people to build in some accountability, isn’t that a good thing? Yes and no. Initially, telling people your goals so you’ll feel pressured to accomplish them works great. It gets you up off the couch and making progress. The problem lies when the going gets tough. People forget about your goal and don’t hold you accountable.

Fear of embarrassment isn’t nearly as strong as wanting to accomplish the goal for the sheer pride and self-satisfaction. If you are trying to lose 15 lbs because you see yourself as a healthy person but aren’t’ showing it right now, that’s more motivating than the fear of embarrassment. You value your health, so you have a deep desire to live according to that value. You want to hit that next product deadline because you see yourself as someone who strives for excellence in everything you do. Now, you’re going to be more likely to achieve that than if you simply don’t want to let your team down. You value excellence, so your desire to come through by the deadline is fueled from within.

So, while we may need that extra push, it’s aligning our actions with our values that creates lasting change.

I’ve achieved small goals, more like tasks really, without any help. You probably have too. But, for the big accomplishments, I couldn’t have done it on my own. Sharing my goals with others is less about accountability and more about recruiting support. I’ll be the first to tell you, because I tell people all the time, that I don’t accomplish anything of significance if my wife isn’t on the team. Without her encouragement, allowing time for things to get done, time away from the family, and being a tremendous sounding board – I would achieve very little.

When I don’t share my goal, I limit the wisdom gained from others. I don’t learn from someone who has been down that road before. It’s like self-sabotaging my accomplishments. If I want to fail, then I should just keep my mouth shut.

Setting out to achieve something that matters, that makes a difference, that takes sacrifice, is a risk. I agree that it’s also a risk to share that goal with others. Perhaps not every goal needs to be shared. Therefore, here are 3 practices that work for me when I choose to share my goals:

1. I recruit people onto my team judiciously. Not just anyone make the cut. I share my goals with people who will be supportive but truthful, and who will help hold me accountable.
2. When I share my goals with others, I share part of the plan too. This fits with what Derek Sivers mentioned about sharing your goals. I tell them that it’s going to be hard, a lot of work and that it isn’t going to come easy. This keeps my mind focused on the journey, not just the outcome.
3. Too keep the motivation flowing and commitment alive, I connect the goal to who I am. Basically, I answer the question, “Why does this goal matter to me?” I write it down and keep it visible.

• Video: Derek Sivers: Keep Your Goals to Yourself